Shackles

What is it you don’t want me to know
If I did do you think I would go
Well, honey, I’m not so cold
People change, people grow

What is that you try to hide
Do you feel regret deep inside
Do you always need an alibi
You still search for light while driving blind

What is it that you need to kill
It’s redemption that you need to feel
It’s been hovering and drawing near
There’s a chance if you still want me here

What is it that you’re running from
Is it just a wound or a loaded gun
Has it left you mostly feeling numb
I swear the best is yet to come

Why do you keep your surface clean
And stay hidden beneath a screen
Did you have troubles as a teen
Your soul just needs an opening

What is it you don’t want me to find
If I did would I lose my mind
Nows the chance for you to unwind
Living life in shackles isn’t how life’s designed

© Delia Ross. 2019






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Tried

Tried to climb the mountains but they were too high
The air became askew and I wasn’t able to cry

Tried to bury my fears down there under the hill
But the ground became so cold I wasn’t able to feel

Tried to hide my pain way out in the desert
But I lost my way and so no longer hurt

Tried to drown my tears somewhere in the ocean
But my head became dizzy and I lacked the emotion

Tried to cover my fears underneath the moon
But they always remain open and I’m never immune

Tried to close the chapter and forget about you
I tried, but I love you too much to

© Delia Ross. 2019

*There’s a slightly different poetry reading of this on my Instagram under a minute long, which you can watch here (make sure sound is on)*

Direct link to my poetry reading is here: https://www.instagram.com/p/Bxv4IzllNOq/?igshid=jghgum7rorfn

My Favorite Lie


It’s what I tell myself to get by, my favorite lie
And one I never use but on myself

If said with a sigh, it’s likely I’ll cry
So I smile and draw a cross upon my chest

There may be a time, I hid more in rhyme
But now there’s really only one left

If put in a book, I know you would look
So I hid the only one on my shelf

© Delia Ross. 2019


Trying to Forget

You’re coming to town, I heard in the news
You mention her name, it gives me troubling blues
I’ve been that girl, and I’ve fell in her shoes
I forget why I care or how I still hate you
They don’t think I’ve moved on and it’s probably true

But I don’t want you back, I’m the one who left
And the only one who apparently felt
It makes no difference now how many women you get
I was number one and your best asset
I spend all of my time just trying to forget

© Delia Ross. 2019

Lesson Number One

The first lesson in life there’s not a soul you can depend

You’re standing on a slope and you think you have some friends

You see an edge of hope and you try to rope it in

You have a moment, feast on it, and hope it never ends

You build it up, then break it down, and wish it works as it intends

Laughing all the way while you write your long amends

This will be enough, you hope, to finally settle all the winds

Soon you’ll find it shocking there’s even less who attends

Apparently you’re not the only one who pretends

You shouldn’t ignore lessons that the uni recommends

I gave it to you straight but you took a thousand bends

Now you have a list of a lot of ex-girlfriends

© Delia Ross. 2019

Could Have, Would Have, Should Have

I could have been a lawyer
But I studied instead to mope
I could have loved you better
Now instead I hate you most

I would have wrote a letter
But this poem instead should work
I would have ripped your heart out
And put it on a perch

I should have sought out shelter
When it started to get worse
You should have loved me better
But now instead I’m broke

© Delia Ross. 2019

If

If you never leap
Our hearts will never be fulfilled
I will slowly be climbing
This hill until I’m killed

If you never wake
I will always stay asleep
Trapped in a nightmare
With only fear that I can reap

If you never jump
My heart will always be on stall
Waiting on a spark
Where no one ever heeds the call

If you don’t believe
I will never love at all
You may take in hope
But it’s likely that I’ll fall

© Delia Ross. 2019

Sad Empty Pathetic Lives

One from my private vault, and from two years ago (April 2017). Completely raw and untouched for April Poetry Month.

sad empty pathetic lives… what reruns they are

he’ll never have my love or respect again. he’ll never have my forgiveness and he’s never going to be worthy of my friendship.
but now, to get up and move again… i need to mend.

sometime in the years end
i need to mend
sometime in the years end
i’ll need a friend

you said you would never hurt me again
a weight off my shoulders
yet seven feet in…

sometime in the years end
i need to mend
sometime in the years end
i’ll cry again

behind those large blue eyes
a monster lurks
never a day that ends-
always at work

he said he would never hurt me again
he said he would never

i hate you
and no amount of time
will ever change that

you know what you are,
you know what you did
how would you think
i’d not wish you dead
how did you think
i’d not wish you dead

i need silence inside my head
but there’s violence inside your bed
how did you think i’d not wish you dead

sad empty pathetic lives… what monsters they are

lurking and lusting and
draining souls
i will never relinquish control
i was head deep in
before i could swim
i’m learning how to live again
i’m learning how to live

oh for a brief moment you made me believe
in a fairytale

(but you’re really a monster from hell, tell tell)

oh ye sloth
you were treated like a king
even out of cloth
and lying on your knee

one or two or a thousand
how many hearts now bleed?

i didn’t want to be her, i plead
but you’re still not listening
you have no heart, you see

oh, and good luck on the baby

what hurts most of all, i believed you
and the thing that hurts most is, you knew all along
you knew

this is cruel deception
you are evil incarnate
the dead, risen again
he has no soul

(might as well call me a widow, i’m mourning my soul
the death of my heart)

nocturnal mourning

every morning

i should have seen
all the warnings

hating you is the only way to get through, it’s the only way i will survive. but is it wrong to hate a monster?

© Delia Ross. 2019

Lines

I never know when it is that I’ll cross a line
Between each state, my next mistake, or maybe when I rhyme
It’s guaranteed, I will succeed, it shouldn’t take much time
I’ve been practicing since I was young like I’m meeting a deadline
Some would even say that I was born without a spine
It’s difficult to receive help even if I hold a sign
If given any choice they’d likely toss me with the swine
Do they know it’s not the mud from which I begrime

© Delia Ross. 2019

Transfer Request Pending

I’ve never had anyone look at me the way they look at her
Although I am fully grown I must be an amateur
I wonder when they look at me I appear to be a blur
Similar to a black hole, is there nothing to observe?
Many times I have been told I’m just not what they prefer
But why do they always get to decide what is that I deserve?
I applied to move to Mars, I hope they put in my transfer…

© Delia Ross. 2019

Emotional Cargo

I wish I didn’t know what it is that I know
I’d stop myself from going down a path I never grow
Then I’d never sneer when I see an old photo
I’d never ever wonder who I’d be without the woe

I wish I didn’t know what it is that I know
I’d stop myself from packing all of this emotional cargo
I seem to carry it with me no matter where it is I go
I’d gladly give it to you but there’s no place left to stow

© Delia Ross. 2019

RSVP Declined

Why send an invitation if it’ll just be declined
I want to be seen but I stand with the blind
Every rejection makes me more aligned
I still look confused though I’ve made up my mind
You warned you were bad but you are the worst kind

Oh teacher, oh teacher why’d you leave me blue
Another desertion what more can I do
We barely had started but now we are through
I may have been late but I can’t outrun you
Give me the full movie not just the preview

© Delia Ross. 2019

DEPRESSED 101

My depression is working overtime and charging me extra. Can’t bribe him with a day off no matter the weather. Told him to get moving but he dropped the anchor. This lake is filled with tears and I ain’t getting better. I put it in a memorandum and even wrote it in a letter. He just laughed at me, shouted, and gave the middle finger. The only way I can quiet him is with some liquor. He follows me every year but here’s the kicker.
He mirrors me and worries me and is in every picture. The funny thing, the longer he dreams, the less I remember.

© Delia Ross. 2019

Heart Failure

All my plans haven’t gone away
They’ve really just been delayed

People they fret I can’t explain
They all just sort of strayed

It’s not my style to beg or plead
I sometimes require aid

They all want something from me
I have nothing for trade

Many years spent on this journey
Every direction came a grenade

You tell a different story
That isn’t the life that you portrayed

Why do you get all the glory
While I’m prisoner in this stockade

No need for you to hurry
My heart rotted and decayed

© Delia Ross. 2019

Permanent Winter

She owed them a pretty picture
Her soul was pretty injured
She sold it but never got richer
She kept it hid under a fancy fixture
The ones who buy it always get triggered
Pointing at you with their middle finger
Too far away you can’t hear them whisper
The season there is a permanent winter
With a sign that reads “winner winner”
You’ve been fed that lie since you were a beginner

© Delia Ross. 2019

Invisibility

Both of us lost what neither could win
Choosing to struggle over complying
But I guess you know best, why else were you spying
Maybe after her you simply gave up ever trying
Some may live close but they aren’t as gratifying
The effects won’t last long, about as quick as when you’re flying
You know I’m always right, there’s never need for clarifying
In these words I fight because you’re so electrifying
I need for you tonight to realize that I’m dying
To die never loved it sounds so very terrifying
I’m leaving this for you it’s why I’m always writing
You already live a beautiful life, it’s why I’m never prying
It’s a bit unfair, I’m invisible, you’ll never catch me crying

© Delia Ross. 2019