I’ve been writing like hellfire but first
My heart is feeling better – as far as the constant throbbing pain goes
The extreme lethargy has not gone away
I still don’t like the taste of food unless it’s junk
There’s this weird metallic taste in my mouth
There’s this taste like my brain chemicals have been messed with
I’m still having chest pain
It’s not as scary bad
Like maybe that heating pad actually has been helping – plus time
I’ve never been so tired in my life
I actually felt my body sweat for the first time today but you know being called a cheap whore doesn’t fucking help the stress
It’s nice to actually feel my feet and armpits get warm
I don’t really like eating food anymore but I’ve been forcing myself to eat
I’m starting to learn that there’s a lot of things I don’t actually like anymore
Like how people use art to harm
Like how banks hide criminal activity
But if I told my doctor I wanted to fucking kill myself they would fucking take me away
Not just any doctor but my fucking therapist- the one person that I should be able to tell anything too – but yet a banker and like anybody can get away with anything – Like moving large lumps of cash but yet my bank will freeze my fucking debit card if I try to spend anything over $500 or $200 -whatever it is, I gotta call and get approval to spend my own goddamn money because it’s been declined and that is embarrassing – wtf
But these bankers and criminals get special treatment?
Wait – Nothing against you wanting a sex change operation but menthol cigarettes are now banned by the FDA
Biden wants to nuke Russia
He’s such a good little puppet (I forgive you for voting for him I think)
All the Hollywood anti Russia propaganda
Mark fucking Burgess is still alive
Oh wait, medical update right 👀
I don’t like how tired I feel all the time
I have three test pending being scheduled -all related to my heart – and I was approved for getting community care – which means I don’t have to drive all the way to Lake Nona 76 miles away one way for just one of those test times 3
Now I’m waiting on community care to call me with the appointments and for the VA to approve it- pay for it – all that fucking shit
It’s actually a relief I don’t have to drive to Lake Nona even though it’s a gorgeous hospital because I-4 is like playing Russian roulette 👀
Nobody around here likes the I-4
Avoid I4 at all costs
I feel a poem coming on
I hateeeeee the I4
I’m not sure where community care will be, it could be New Smyrna Beach, it could be Ormond Beach, it could be Daytona Beach, I don’t know yet, I hope it will be in my city Daytona Beach.
I don’t think anybody really knows what the fuck they’re doing anymore
I mean there are a few people out there who are really into their job and they’re really good and occasionally you run into those really good people and that’s why you wanna fucking support them
I’m praying my doctor never leaves! 🙌
I’m 4 weeks in now after dose 2 (I think) But she told me recently at my appointment that the signs and symptoms I’m having can go on for weeks (I believe she said 6 to 8 or longer)
I’m ready to ride my bike
Be active again
But I’m so tired I can barely keep my eyes open
The last couple times I tried to push myself a little bit around the house my heart started hurting worse
I really don’t wanna die over this
So even tho the pain has lessened – and even my anxiety a little – I’m still having other symptoms.
I’m not on vaca
I’ve done a lot of crying over this because it’s been very very scary
I’m still begging my kid not to get it
And now I’m reminding my kid that their dead daddy was an anti-vacciner, so now I’m playing that fucking card
And like most kids these days (and adults) we live on pizza, tacos, sugar, and salt. It’s literally clogging our arteries – And then you’re going to inject yourself with a vaccine that causes blood clots (well the CDC have at least admitted that it causes blood clots in one – but you know it does in the others too – come on – don’t be fucking stupid y’all. If it does in one (that’s only 80% effective, imagine what the 94% effective one does) 👀
Well I had my doctor look into it and she actually said that what I’m going through is Covid related and I’ve only been experiencing Covid related issues since my body was injected with the Covid fucking vaccinations. Yay? Sound on?
So – You eat shit that clogs your arteries and then you’re going to inject yourself with a vaccine that causes blood clots and then you’re going to go in annually to get your booster shots? 👀
The CDC need to list the rare side effects on the website. Be transparent! Like you force Big Pharma to do!
This vaccine is a prime example of peer pressure
This vaccine nearly wiped me out and I don’t want my fucking kid to get it ever but they have their own body to make their choices for and their own household to run
I’m not saying you shouldn’t get the vaccine but the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree so I definitely want my kid to stay away from it
I can’t enforce it
And I still believe that they will enforce it by making vaccination records mandatory in order to enter certain areas
I know for a fact they will enforce it on all militia
Yeah I had a choice right now 👀
That four page article I read by the CNN about the native American Indians really pulled on my heartstrings though they really fucking got me
I will never be getting any booster shots- even if they enforce it, they will have to hold me down
So there’s pressure in my chest (Some sort of tear or pull in my muscle – which is my heart)
I’ve been taking it easy.
My only agenda is to get better and survive this.
I told my kid, please just wear their mask, wash their hands. I swore by the CDC! 😑
The CDC were my bible.
People have died from these vaccinations and the CDC need to be transparent about the rare side effects that are going on.
I’m certain my doctor is reporting to the right channels.
Overall, I’m feeling better than I felt a few nights ago, I wasn’t as hopeful
The pain has lessened – not diminished
I still have extreme lethargy, issues with my sense of smell and taste (which will effect your mood and will to eat stuff that just taste bland and off).
I’ve been eating a shit ton of cashews and walnuts, pecans, pistachios, and all the healthy nuts basically
Food doesn’t taste the same. Pizza didn’t change so much. Candy bars, sweet and salty the tongue can distinguish
But like why does everything else taste like more food I’ve just cooked and wasted
I’ve barely been cooking because just doing normal duties around the house have proven challenging but even frozen stuff or canned food is going to waste!
My heart just needs rest like it’s never needed it before
And less stressors going off
Jesus didn’t like how the world was either, bless his heart ❤️
I don’t like where the future is headed but I need to put that in a poem so I wanna get offline now
I’m attempting to get a cosplay set done
And it’s not that I don’t wanna!
I’m exhausted! 😑
So it may be just a little set for now 😑
And people are already anxious for me to launch my new OF but it’s coming – you just have to have a little bit of patience. I need to get caught up on my campaigns first.
I probably shouldn’t of gave the secret away too soon!
My heart actually physically hurts – even tho not as bad – activity does make it worse.
I miss working out! I had finally found my grove!
Thanks for having patience with me!
I’ve been writing poetry and I will get it posted soonish!
I just needed to get shit off my chest!
I’ve had a hard time editing and stuff lately so if you notice more spelling mistakes than normal, it’s probably the lethargy.
Having a brain injury doesn’t help.
Neo: “Why do my eyes hurt?”
Morpheus: “Because you’ve never used them before. Get some rest…”
I have been unplugging a lot today. I wonder if anyone else unplugged?
Or do your eyes still hurt?
If you call for me, I will come. 💪
(But at some point Neo had to help Trinity cuz she had some heart issues too)
(I just want someone to be there and love me when I do)
(Or in the fantasy world, inside the Matrix)
(This nightmare we’re all in)
(Thank you Asia)
(I don’t need anything fancy when I die just toss me in a hole don’t take out my blood don’t take out my organs fuck whatever they came up with because they ruined the afterlife that’s not what it supposed to be about I want to take 10,000 years to fucking deteriorate OK). You can’t have my blood, my organs, nothing when I die!!! Put me in the earth!!!!!!! Why is that illegal? Why am I forced to spend money on stufff!!!!!!!!!!! I’m sick of money and stuff!!! I want something real!!!!!! I want love!!!!!! You can’t have me when I die!!!!!! Put me in the earth!
I am made of the earth and the moon and the stars and I don’t want you taking out my life force and pumping me full of your fucking chemicals when I’m dead
I don’t want your fucking chemicals while I’m alive
I bathe with vegan products most of the time – and more often than not just prefer the water!!! You don’t need all that stuff!!!!
(Please don’t hate me)
“If the world hates you, remember that it hated me first” – Jesus Christ