There might come a time, on some lonely and cold evening
When you feel your life had no meaning
You were never nothing in her mind

I hope one day you can remember
After all the chills colder than December
You were the field she could unwind

When on shoulders death you take to leaning
And so to life desperately clinging
You were the reason her wing refined

So if you fall to death not believing
Until an angel comes intervening
She’ll be the hand you fall behind

ยฉ Delia Ross. 2020 / @poeeternal

Death and dying brings out so many emotions. When facing mortality, those big questions on the purpose of life come about, and often the non-religious will find comfort in religion. A lot of atheist will find God in the end and this actually happened to one of my favorite bands, Peter Steele, who found God in his end. You can watch videos of him talking about it on YouTube and read about it in articles. I still have a hard time listening to Type O Negative since Peter Steele died and they’ve been one of my favorite bands since I was 16. He was only 48 when he died. I’m 42. Welp. This is my last decade. I will not make it to 50. At this point surviving 2020 will be a fucking miracle.

I still don’t know if I said what I was trying to say because I was busy crying and blowing my nose.

I was trying to say that you saved my life and gave it meaning, when all the world had shunned me away on my darkest days.

I was trying to say something like, ‘you were there for me in my end, so I’ll be there for you in yours’ (whether by faded memory, poetry, or physical form).

Slept in me makeups and then washed it all off with me tears.

When you think that your life doesn’t matter, remember that you made mine matter. You gave me sight and purpose. You opened my soul. You saved one of God’s precious angels.

I can’t write like the greats but we are definitely a modern day Romeo and Juliet. ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ

Wait… Except, nothing you write is for me so just forget everything I just said… brain injury > fantasy head

You make me write the most ridiculous, mushy poetry though. It’s all relative (see what I just did). You matter.

I forever heart you.

If this damn disease doesn’t kill me something will. I just wish I could be hearing your stories in my end, or at the very least, your heartbeat (with my head on your chest as I take my final breath). Not asking for much, am I? ๐Ÿ˜ซ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ

If this is your first time coming to my blog, I’m pretty certain I have better pictures and videos of me than of me crying. But whatev.

My writing career is going to go one of two ways, either I’m going to keep doing it or I’m going to pack it all in. If you’d like to support me, you know where and how. I’m still past due on bills and need to eat but whatever.

Laughing stock of zee world…

19 responses to “One Day”

  1. Writing is my only path now. Writing has been my dream job since the third grade and what I wanted to devote my life to but unfortunately life got in the way. I am a disabled veteran now. Survived a war but may not survive this depression or pandemic. I literally can’t work now due to all my medical conditions, but that doesn’t stop people from telling me that I’m lazy and ignoring my cries for help, even though I’ve supported everyone all my life. Nearly made it to retirement though. 15 years in the United States Army plus a war. Records show me as some sort of war hero, not lazy. I got a degree and skill sets I can’t use in all these hiring freezes, but even so, I can’t be around peoples anymore. I also didn’t give up my $25 an hour job at the Department of Defense of 8 years to go work at Subway. But again, the government furloughs and hiring freezes has not made my transition from military life to civilian life easy, but that doesn’t stop people from calling me fucking lazy and ignoring my cries. My work ethic is not lazy, but people’s attitudes towards me are hazy. Edgar Allan Poe died broke and naked on the street and he couldn’t even get the local press to publish his poetry. No more than I can get people to subscribe to my blogs. Everyone wants everything for free including the guys who always hit me up in my DM for free nudes. The world is falling apart and all my comrades keep dying by suicide and I suffer from the same disease. The next person who calls me lazy is getting some teeth for their fucking lunch. Hungry, suicidal and out of fucks to care. Did I mention that I have also blocked several of my supporters? *laughs insanely* I’m pretty certain Edgar Allan Poe was suffering from depression. He was a fucking soldier too. *laughs insanely* he literally had shitty parents (like me) so went into the service to support himself (like me) but wound up dying poor on the street (which is what I’m currently trying to avoid). I’m selling nudes now but nobody cares. *laughs out loud* (I’m sorry, this is why I shouldn’t be online and talking to people, but instead of a rubber room I stay home). On a positive note, I’m getting to do what I always wanted to do (finally) now that I’m on my deathbed…. woo hooo

    I’m really really grateful for your feedback (and terribly sorry for my social behavior) thank you! โค

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I should add that this quarantine has not been good for my isolation and depression. I didn’t have the best social skills but I’m pretty certain they’ve gotten worse through the shutdown. I’ve had very little inspiration coming in this year. I haven’t been to one concert. Uggg I haven’t even had Christmas in 3 years If we’re honest… and my dad just died. I’m a mess. FYI.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I am beyond moved by what you wrtote. Lazy is not what I would say in relation to you and this is merely going by what I see on here. Lazy is not a word that i could ever use, that is a term used by those who never cared or dared to understand the struggles one has with Depression and mental health in general. Having just read that you are a veteran of the Military I salute you. Sadly the world is full of people seeking gratification for their own ends.. There is a lot that I could say But on here may not be the spot BUt I am on FB (a junk of a soical media) But keeps us all in contact. or also on other social media. I am here to chat at anytime. I say that because I have lived with depression since my teen years and the amount of times I heard those same words is unciuntable at this point.

    You should never feel sorry for how you feel and in these times it is hard to survive and live, BUT YET WE ARE STILL HERE. Disabled in our various ways. I had (in my heart still do) a disabled son who passed aged 5yrs. I learned through him that disability is not something to lok down on BUT merely as Ability that may not be as others care to see. you can email anytime you wish to. And there will never ever be any cost or expectation just for youto have a point or extra point to release.


  4. Quarantine has been tough on so many with Mental Health isues and even those who never had issues suddnly find themselves struggling. I am sorry to hear of your dads passing. thatis a horrible load to carry and handle in normal times But in issolation it is a horrific burden. Writing is the path to ease those burdens when no one is about to listen, at least it has been for me.


  5. You do have a tallent for writing and it is hard to get publication at best of times but in these times it is beyond that sad to say. I began writing in my early 20’s without any knowledge of writing styles, just for release and so many years later and a BA degree now under my belt It still is a release.


  6. seems like you have both experience and many classes of which you can gain both experience and skill from. Writing is often the first step. keep writing and I for one will be cheering you on either way.


  7. Your kid should be proud to have a momma with such tallents and with such fight even when days are as tough as they are for you. The fact that you are there writing even to a complete stranger like myself is a positive step.


  8. PS. IF IT was ever possible for me to support you Financially I would BUT am on an edge at the moment. BUT I will Fool’s Love Affairhope etc that you gain the sponsors etc possible…


  9. I’m not really looking for members anymore which is why I’m not promoting myself in this blog post. I’m ready to pack it all in. I’ve been at this solid for over 3 years. Thanks tho ๐Ÿ‘


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